2 Years Old

My dear sweet daughter,

You've been through such a trying 8 months since last December. Perhaps you don't understand why you're getting injections, don't understand why your Mom and Dad can look so upset at times, don't understand why we fidget with your food to get it in line with the proportions appropriate for your needs, and look at us questioningly when you see other children running around with popsicles, candy, and food while thier parents blindly hand them more on demand without so much as a second glance. Perhaps you don't, but I think you do. You're sharp my girl, and have a tenacity and an understanding well beyond your years.

I wish I knew how a low felt, and how a high blood sugar felt. I wish I knew, so I could help you get through it better than giving you juice for your lows, or trying to get you to drink water for your highs.

More than anything I wish I could take this away from you. I would do anything to have this be me dealing with all of this and let you have the carefree existing you deserve.

Above all else though Mia, I know how strong you are. I know how much fun you have with your friends, and with your family. I can see how intelligently you observe things. I'm in awe at how quickly you do understand things. And when you run up to me at the end of the day when I get home from working, I know you love your Mom and I, and I know you know how very much we love you.

Having you in my life is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I do not believe we are predestined for anything, but for all that, I know that I was meant to be your dad. That is the single most important reason for me being here today - to be your father and to every day remind you of how beautiful, intelligent, and wonderful you are.

No matter what we have to go through, and no matter the challenges you face with diabetes or with any other aspect of your life, know that I will always be there for you. Yours is a light destined to shine forever.

Love

Your adoring Dad.

Highs and Lows

No matter how hard we try, it seems like we are either getting highs or lows - its so rare that we ever see our beautiful daughter pushed into a 'normal' range. I have to admit, it feels frustrating, just because she deserves so much better.

When I hear from older diabetics how disorienting a low can feel, how bad it can make you feel for hours afterwards, and how a high is equally uncomfortable, knowing that she, this poor little toddler, is having to go through breaks my heart.

Every parenting book I've ever read talks about how consistency is the best gift you can give your child for helping her feel secure, safe, and taken care of. How much consistency am I providing when I see a 240 mml/dl reading and four hours later she's 50?

I just want the best for her, and some days it feels like I'm failing at providing even a standard baseline for her to operate on.

UPDATE: At our endo appointment, we find her A1C has gone down. I've been told not to put too much faith in this number, but at least it's something that is moving in the right direction. Mia, we love you so much and will do ANYTHING to help you through this. Stay strong little girl.

First Trip Away

So I'm a bit of a mess tonight. Leaving for my first business trip since Mia was diagnosed, and it's rough to think that I'm not going to be around the next few days. That being said, even in a bad situation, Marisa would certainly react better than me, and probably have an easier time without me around if there was one. Dad gets little neurotic.